no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
