just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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