He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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