so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
