my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
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he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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