I want to have your abortion
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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