we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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