I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
