So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
