how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize