the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
whose parrot is this?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
