I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
