I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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