carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
