Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
