Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
