Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
