haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
