dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
