I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
