I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
