I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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