Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
