well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
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My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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