There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
