shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
