Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
