Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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