I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
