ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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