I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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