Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
