Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
