how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
