Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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