Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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