My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
