I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
