apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
