based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We had to coat check the pizza.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
