I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
we're making bets on your personal life
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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