If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
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