I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
