So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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