I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
