You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.