he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
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I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
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Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.