no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
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