I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
