We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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