benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
