i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
