your parents love me but you hate me
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize