people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
