I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Can I color on your dick again?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
