I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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