I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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