Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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