Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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