I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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