so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
