She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
