Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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