Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
