Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
