just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize