she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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