Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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