i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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