I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
