Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
