I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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