dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
