I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
