When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
