You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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