I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
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