If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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