Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
