kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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