Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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