My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
