I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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